Knowing what to say when a difficult mother dies is challenging. But it is even more difficult to remain silent. So, how do you write a eulogy for a difficult mother?

The most important thing to remember is that your eulogy is not about you. It is about your mother and celebrating her life. Even if your relationship was complicated, she was still essential to your life. And she deserves to be remembered with love and respect.

By following these five simple steps, you can write a eulogy that will honour her memory and make her proud.

1. Before you start writing, take a few moments to yourself to gather your thoughts.

You might want to look through old photos or listen to your mother’s most loved songs. By doing so, you’ll connect with happy times and favorite memories. Feelings of warmth and compassion, even if rare in your relationship, are what you want to share in your eulogy.

2. Honour your mother’s memory by speaking the truth.

Your mother wasn’t perfect and it’s okay to say that provided you’re speaking from a place of respect. But at the end of the day, your eulogy should be a celebration of your mother’s life. No matter how difficult she was, she was still an essential part of your life. And she deserves to be remembered with love and respect.

3. Write from the heart sharing positive memories and stories most meaningful to you.

Writing from the heart offers comfort to those listening because they, too, are grieving the loss of your mother.

So, the best way to begin is with a brief introduction about who your mother was and how she impacted your life. Then, share some of your favourite memories of her. You might also want to talk about your mother’s values and what she taught you despite your complex relationship.

Finally, finish with a few words about how much you’ll miss her. Don’t worry about getting everything perfect – just get your thoughts down on paper. You can always edit and revise later. Also, remember to keep your audience in mind as you write; your mother’s friends and family will want to hear stories that illustrate her character and highlight her best qualities.

4. Keep it brief – no more than 7 minutes.

A eulogy is not the time for a long, detailed account of your mother’s life from birth to death. Instead, focus on one or two key stories that capture who she was and how much she meant to you.

5. Once you’ve written the eulogy, practice.

Read the eulogy aloud several times. The practice will help you to get a sense of how the tribute sounds and whether there’s anything you want to change. Plus, practising will help ease your nerves leading up to the funeral day.

How to write a eulogy for a difficult mother

Don’t let nerves get in the way of delivering your eulogy

Delivering a eulogy can be nerve-wracking, especially if you’re not used to public speaking. But it’s important to remember that you’re doing this for your mother. So take a deep breath, relax, and imagine that you’re sharing your memories with a group of friends. Keeping this image in mind will make you feel more confident when giving your mother’s eulogy.

Start your healing process with your mother’s eulogy

Writing a eulogy for your difficult mother is more than putting words on paper. It’s an opportunity for you to begin the healing process. Grief is a complex and often tricky emotion, especially if you don’t have a close relationship with your mother.

According to psychologists, several factors can make grief more challenging. For example, if you didn’t have a close relationship with your mother, you may feel guilty or responsible for her death. You may also find it hard to accept that she is gone. Additionally, if your mother was critical or abusive, you may have mixed feelings about her death. On the one hand, you may be relieved that she is no longer in your life. On the other hand, you may feel guilty or ashamed for not feeling more grief.

Ultimately, grief is a highly individual experience, and there is no right or wrong way to feel it.  However, a few things can help when grieving a demanding mother.

First, it is essential to allow yourself to feel the grief and not try to bottle it up. Expressing grief can be a complex but vital process if you’re to make a healthy grief recovery.

How to write a eulogy for a difficult mother

Second, it can be helpful to talk about your mother and your relationship with her. Choose someone who will understand and be supportive, like a close friend or professional grief cousellor.

Finally, psychologists say it is vital to find ways to honour your mother after the funeral, even if she was not perfect. Small ways you can honor your mother include writing down happy memories in a journal or making a Donation in her name.

Lastly, grieving for a demanding mother can be a challenge, but you can deliver a beautiful eulogy and begin your healing by following these tips.

Example eulogy for a difficult mother

As I stand here today, my heart is filled with sadness because we’re saying goodbye to Rachel, my mother. It’s no secret that mom was challenging to love and had a complex personality.

But despite her struggles with alcohol, I know she loved us deeply.

Mom was a strong woman who didn’t take any nonsense from anyone. She was fiercely independent and didn’t need anyone’s help. Mom was also one of the most generous people I knew. She would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it.

I will never forget mom for her strength, independence, and generosity. These qualities made her who she was when she was sober. 

So as we say goodbye to my difficult mother, let us remember her for the strong, independent and generous woman she was. And know that deep down, her love was always true.